Portland’s HILARIOUS Failed Attempt at a Rebrand

Like the Potemkin villages of North Korea, the city of Portland is putting on a happy face under a layer of makeup to hide the bruises and scars.

Portland, Oregon, a city with cosmetic, non-functional law enforcement and nightly unrest, has suddenly taken notice that its style of governance (or lack thereof) doesn’t draw a ton of people to visit and spend money. The solution? If you guessed “oust terrorist-sympathizers from the local government, you haven’t been paying attention to Portland.

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Full-throated, full front-page propaganda (and not even very good propaganda) paid for by those people trapped within city limits and who are still paying taxes for some reason. For over a year the city has become a lawless gangland of bored, black-clad baristas and man-children. It has become a trendsetter for those looking to colonize entire city blocks, build a commune, and then watch it fall apart because nobody there knows how to use a socket-wrench. This is a city that you are invited to enjoy.

The putrid puff-piece reads in part, “We’re a place of dualities that are never polarities. Two sides of the same coin that keeps landing right on its edge. Anything can happen. We like it that way.”

Yes, anything could happen on your way to the store! You might be shot. You might be stabbed. You might be chased through back-alleys by a mob of faceless thugs for being the wrong race in the wrong place. Doesn’t that sound fun?

Unless you can afford to hire Blackwater to keep you safe and enjoying watching blood-sports pour out into the streets every few minutes, it is ill-advised that you enjoy Portland through anything other than a pair of binoculars from a good distance away; and even then it won’t be pleasant. Whether or not the city is even salvageable at this point is unclear. Though, with property values falling through the floor and small businesses all but extinct in the city, it’s not unlikely that Portland is on the same trajectory as New York City: Set to come into the ownership of the very aristocrats that Antifa pretends to hate.

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